Date me

I am now 33 years old, aka my 'jesus year,' which means I'll be doing my most important work and/or die a painful death. I'd really love to find a partner to put through that emotional roller coaster.

jk I'm 34 now and I'm still alive.

Life's really hittin' right now: Carved out my dream career, have a cadre of ride-or-dies, and seeing so much daylight in the smallest pleasures in life. Would love someone to share those moments with me :)

About Me...

People tell me that I'm hard to pinpoint, like Beyonce's genre-bending "country" album. I subvert a lot of expectations, break from tradition. Oakland chill but with an SF intensity. A little bit of street, a little bit granola. A patina of social grace underneath a dirtbaggy core. Competence beyond my years, but consistently fools many with my youthfulness.

The art of friendship

My art is tattooed on three bodies. I've officiated five weddings, and I've been a groomsman four times (so far)... All of this is to say that I am the kind of person who my friends love and trust. I'll fly out and show up in court for their custody battles, I'm the first at their doorstep when they need company and the last on the dance floor at their wedding, because I think my friends deserve the best.

Friendship is an art I deeply care about. I have active group chats with friends I’ve known since I was five years old, and I sporadically volunteer long voice messages of funny stories from my life to keep in touch with long-distance besties.

The qualities that my friends use to describe me: extremely grounded, present, empathetic, trustworthy, loving, soulful, unfazed.

"The pursuit IS happiness"

These words are tattooed on my ribs, as a tribute a defining ethos that the process is more important than the outcome. I enjoy pursuing goals more than achieving them.

As an ex-neuroscientist, the kitchen is the closest thing I have to a lab bench now. I can spend a whole Saturday in a kitchen-fugue state. I could fuck up everything, nearly burn the house down, and it would still be fun.

Relatedly, romantic relationships are a process of love as much as love of process, perhaps in pursuit of a more perfect (but never perfect) union, and I'm looking for someone who moves through her life the same way.

On adventure and being outside

Contrast is the nectar of life, whether that's love and heartbreak, hope and despair, or intimacy and vulnerability. I like to invite the full spectrum of the human experience, rather than seeking the highs and avoiding the lows.

I tend to disappear for weekends to be out in the mountains, skiing, running, or climbing. I think it's very healthy for each partner to have their own spaces, but I've found it to be very enriching when my partner can share this joy with me. It's part of my full spectrum.

Case in point: I've been dancing with gravity for 14 years as a rock climber. I've earned my dirtbag street cred by living in my car for 5 years in grad school. It makes me feel so alive, to ebb and flow between safety and danger. There is nothing like the camaraderie of managing high-stakes risk together on a cliffside.

On spirituality

One time, I had a strong psychedelic vision during a six-hour meditation, where I stood trial in front of every species on Earth for the human crimes against the planet. I consequently had a brief stint in activism.

My relationship to trees, rocks, and reefs run deep, like a history of give and take, and of mutual nourishment. Movies like Princess Mononoke and WALL-E, and books like Ishmael and The Giving Tree tug at my heartstrings.

I'm not religious, but I'm probably like a... Mary Oliver/David Whyte-spiritual? A significant part of my bookshelf is about Buddhism, though. I meditate in many forms, particularly, sitting, walking, yoga, and running... and I care less about how much or how deeply I meditate, and more about whether I can be the meditative version of myself when it matters most.

Ambition by another name

In our society, if you're not trying to change the world somehow, we don't consider you ambitious, and I think that's BS. Somehow we've forgotten the ambition in being the teacher who changes lives, or the partner who loves so deeply it rewrites our understanding of connection.

I'm ambitious about my commitment to friends and family. I'm the eldest of my generation across a dozen cousins, and I carry the weight of a war refugee's legacy. I am in love with my little niece (pictured below) and I want a family of my own after living the DINK life for a few years with you.

I have ambitions to be extremely mindful, to be ridiculously healthy, to be wholly accepting of who you are, and that's enough world-changing for me.

In all honesty

Nobody's perfect. In past life, I've been arrogant, I've been dismissive of my partner’s needs, I've been callous towards my own emotional health, and I've prioritized my career over my relationships. One time I even left the toilet seat up and hair in the shower in the same day.

But if you met me today, you'd be surprised that I was any of these things. I deep down believe people can change, because I have. I lovingly embrace every version of my past self, and every scar I've earned. Always make new mistakes.

Other zealotries

• mind: photography, cinematography, science & technology, climate change, philosophy, politics, theatre, performing stand up comedy, writing
• body: climbing, ultramarathons, hot yoga, tennis, backpacking, dancing, saunas(!), and snow sports

You...

• Break rules that you think deserve breaking
• Are continuously evolving, borderline embarrassed by who you were last year
• Will turn my kitchen into a dance floor

If you think this is worth a shot, email me: date at westleydang com