Date me
I am now 33 years old, aka my 'jesus year,' which means I'll be doing my most important work and/or die a painful death. I'd really love to find a partner to put through that emotional roller coaster.
Honestly, my life is spectacular right now: Dream job, nourishing relationships, and super passionate about my hobbies.
I'm not in a hurry to find "my person", but there is something to be said about having someone to build a life with: a history of shared experiences, stories of meeting strangers, of discovering new places, and milestones in opening up to each other.
Short-term physical relationships are also fair game, especially if you see intimacy as a channel for deepening your connection to yourself and others.
Me...
I'm the best-est friend you'll ever have
My handwriting and art is tattooed on three bodies. I've officiated three weddings, and I've been a groomsman four times (and counting)... All of this is to say that I am the kind of person who my friends love and trust. I'll fly out and show up at court for their custody battles, I will drop my things if they need company (and they don't have to ask for it), and I will dance my absolute hardest at their wedding and "be that guy" because I think my friends deserve the best.
Friendship is an art I deeply care about. I have active group chats with friends I’ve known since I was five years old, and I sporadically volunteer long voice messages of funny stories from my life to keep in touch with long-distance besties.
"The pursuit IS happiness"
These words are tattooed on my body as a tribute my defining belief that the process is more important than the outcome. I enjoy pursuing goals more than achieving them. The pursuit provides purpose. I have no fixed plans to arrive anywhere, I'm here to enjoy the journey.
Relatedly, I love being in the kitchen. As a former neuroscientist, the kitchen is the closest thing I have to a lab bench now. I love a Saturday where I can mess around in the kitchen like Miles Davis on a trumpet. It's flow for me. Nothing else matters when I'm waiting for the perfect texture of a roux coming together, or a perfectly brunoise'd shallot, or pairing the perfect compound butter with that cross-hatched King Trumpet.
More pertinently, romantic relationships are a process of love as much as love of process, and I'm looking for someone who understands that.
I feel most alive at the edge of death
One of my strongest identities is as a climber, and have been climbing for almost 13 years. I lived in my car for five years during grad school, so I've definitely earned my dirtbag street cred. I tend to disappear for weekends to be out in the mountains. There is nothing like the camaraderie of managing high-stakes risk together on a big rock wall.
Most my life has been unintentionally athletic: competitive tennis for 8 years, competitive swimming for 4 years, 2 years of daily hot yoga, and some rowing and running in the mix. But I also know what it's like to be sedentary for a few years, and it was the worst period of my life. An alignment of body-mind-spirit are more important to me now than ever.
Nature is worth protecting regardless of whether humans continue to exist
One time, I had a strong psychedelic vision during a six-hour meditation, where I stood trial in front of every species on Earth for the human crimes against the planet. I subsequently skrrrrtd from being an armchair environmentalist to full-fledged activist.
My relationship to trees, rocks, and reefs feel like real relationships, like a history of give and take, and of mutual nourishment. Imagine less Castaway Wilson, and more The Giving Tree. Movies like Princess Mononoke and WALL-E, and books like Ishmael tug at my heartstrings. I'm not religious but I'm spiritual enough that I'm looking for a partner with whom we can love something greater than ourselves.
I have a bone to pick with the word 'ambitious'
If someone isn't aiming to impact the world at scale, our society doesn't label them as ambitious. It's a shame. I think there is ambition in being the most influential teacher in someone's childhood, or being the most thoughtful and understanding partner. We should value those ambitions just as much as we value building the next billion-dollar company that exploits the financial precarity of gig workers (yeah, I said it).
I am also the oldest of a dozen cousins, and I'm the eldest in my generation. Anyone from an Asian background (and especially a refugee background) might know the leadership responsibility that entails. I take my commitment to family seriously, just as much as my ambitions to be a loving father, and an incredible partner.
I've made big mistakes, and I am grateful for them
In another life, I've been arrogant, I've been dismissive of my partner’s needs, I've been callous towards my own emotional health, and I've prioritized my career over my relationships. One time I even left the toilet seat up and hair in the shower in the same day. But if you met me today, you'd be surprised that I was any of these things. There are no better teachers than the mistakes, and no better tuition than the consequences. I like to think that I was a good partner in the past, but I know I am a better partner today. (Point of pride: I’m still friends with all my exes).
Other zealotries
- mind: photography, cinematography, reading, music (listening), science & engineering, climate change, philosophy, politics, theatre, stand up comedy (watching and performing! see below), writing
- body: climbing, long-distance running (training for 50 mile this year), yoga, tennis, backpacking, dancing, saunas(!), and snow sports.
You...
- Are open-minded, play by your own rules
- Are a different person than you were last year
- Are athletic, love climbing and mountain stuff
- Will join me in kitchen karaoke and dance
- Promise not to lie if my food is bad
- Laugh at my jokes, even if they're bad
If you think this is worth a shot, email me: date at westleydang diddlydot com