The Gates to the Forest

I.

Here comes the part of the ceremony, where we have to sit through the musings about love, from the only single guy at this entire wedding.

Normally what I like to do is tell jokes at the beginning, but this time I will try to keep things philosophical and solemn. Because you all know that Alex loves philosophy, and Matthias is, well, German.

But who am I to tell you anything? Well, other than the person who introduced the couple, and the waiter at Bao where they had their first date, I've known this couple the longest. Just 10 minutes after their first date was over, Matthias had already invited Alex back to our apartment to check out his new surround sound system (which were actually my surround sound system).

Alex was different than anyone else who came to visit. She actually took the time to get to know me, despite the clearly much more charming, and good-looking person she came to actually see. And because of that, I knew that she is exactly the kind of person Matthias deserves as well: Receptive, open, and prioritizes friendships and relationships above all else. I’m grateful to call them two of my best friends.

So when I was asked to "officiate" this wedding, I wanted to pick a theme that came from the heart, and to me, that is a forest. Some of my best memories with Matthias have been backpacking in a forest, encountering bears, resting by a waterfall, getting lost before the sun was up… and my Saturday morning writing club with Alex has felt nothing short of how I feel after a weekend in a forest: contemplative, generative, full of hope and growth.

II.

I was walking in a forest once. As deep in thought as I was in deep in wilderness. And at one point I saw two magnificent trees that framed the trail ahead of me and I thought if there were any pair of trees that would be perfect to herald the gates to some ancient, sacred forest, this would be it. And I would imagine that for the rest of my trip, as soon as I pass through those trees, I will have started my journey in a whole new world, that I have left part of myself behind, and crossed the threshold into something new.

A little similar to what you're doing today... leaving something behind, and crossing through into something new.

But I'm going to spoil something for you right now: What was on the other side, was just more of the same. Behind me was trees.  In front of me, for miles and miles, were more trees. Even the supposed gates were made of trees.

And yet, it was a different forest all together.

Because I decided that those two trees guarded something holy. I decided that there was something sacred past that threshold. I gave the gates meaning -- I gave the new forest meaning.

Deep down, I know that you didn't gather everyone here to be witnesses. You gathered us here today to be participants in it, to give meaning to these gates you're walking through together.

III.

A marriage is many beautiful paradoxes. For one, despite everything I just described, a marriage isn't a single grand entrance into some perfect, unchanging realm. It's made of many gates, many thresholds - some big, some small, all sacred in their own way.

Just as the forest gates were made of itself, made of more trees, so too is a marriage made of nothing more than your past and future commitments to each other -- whether they're public here, private with each other, or even private to you.

Matthias & Alex, I'm sure you have already had moments together that seemed like hitting a threshold. Moments that make you say, "oh, we're there now."

Like when you first decided to leave a toothbrush at the other person's place. Or when you throw up in front of each other (or perhaps, in a small fixed-wing aircraft) and still manage to find each other attractive after. Or maybe when you realized you've just developed a sophisticated system of eyebrow movements to communicate across the room at social gatherings.

One day, we will hear your vows to each other. But until then, I charge you, when you cross these little thresholds, take a moment to glance at each other. You won't need words. Just appreciate the sanctity of it, knowing that each moment is enshrined in the blessed grove that is your love.

And so to be participants with you in your crossing, I want all of us, with our bodies, to form a gateway that you will pass through.

Once you walk between us, you will no longer be your former selves. When you cross the threshold, turn around to show us that you've passed, and you may kiss each other, as newly wedded husband and wife.